The Religious Nerd

It seems like just yesterday my wife and I were engaged to be wed.  It’s hard to believe that we have been married for nearly 5 years, have a beautiful daughter, have our own place, and are both nearly finished with college.  We are no longer children and are completely responsible for ourselves.  I still remember with great detail how we met, how our differing cultures and backgrounds have presented challenges along the way, and how far we have come so far in growing together in our covenant.

I would like to offer you some encouraging ideas of how you can live a God glorifying, spouse honoring, joyful, and fulfilling marriage.  Being married isn’t easy, and at times it is quite hard.  However, it is very rewarding!  It’s like any challenge in life, if you work hard at it you feel accomplished when you witness the results.  I hope this list will be encouraging to you and I ask you to spend some time considering this list regardless if you are single, married, or engaged. This list will be beneficial to you no matter the circumstance.

• Be friends, better yet, be best friends!  Often times couples grow apart as they grow old together.  It is important to remain friends throughout a marriage.  In order to do this, you have to spend time together, and find common interests that you can both share.  While the husband may love cars and find himself spending hours of his free time working on them, women often do not care for cars.  While women love scrap booking and shopping, men usually don’t. It’s important to find things that you both like and do them together.  It is also important to take interest in your spouses hobbies.  Women, you can hangout with your man while he works on his car.  Men, you can take your wife shopping on her birthday and be patient with her as she tries everything on. Friendship keeps the marriage fresh, and prevents the passion from dying out.
• Don’t complain about your spouse to your parents or anyone else.  Your parents may try to get info from you on how your marriage is going.  You may find yourself complaining to your friends about how your spouse makes you mad.  Don’t do that.  Honor your spouse by refusing to talk bad about them to others.  I can honestly say that in 5 years of marriage, I have never talked bad about my spouse to anyone!
• Don’t expect your wife to follow you if you don’t lead. Men, listen up.  Your wife wants to follow you, she desires this from the bottom of her heart.  If you aren’t willing to lead her, don’t expect her to follow! Take initiative, be a man, protect her, love her, cherish her, and be there for her.  She will follow you into the rockiest of storms!
• Get help if you need it.  There is no shame in seeking biblical council.  I say biblical council because I do not believe that secular council is sufficient for Christian marriages.  The scriptures are fully sufficient to council married Christians through their hard times.
• Pray together.  Studies show that married couples who pray together are less likely to get divorced.  Prayer is powerful and beneficial to all parties involved in it.  If you find yourself struggling in your marriage, ask God to deliver you, ask Him to work a miracle.  There is something beautiful about a marriage that’s foundation is set on prayer.
• Read your bible together.  It is important that you grow together in marriage, it is even more important that you grow closer to God and the best way to do that is by studying God’s Word.  You can study the scriptures together, you can attend a bible study at your church, or you can sit on the couch together and read silently, but whatever you do, keep reading your bible as it is critical that both you and your spouse grow closer to God.
• Set your spouse as your definition of beauty.  Forget about the fact your wife put on a few pounds after she had your first baby! Forget about how she doesn’t look like she did when you met her when she was 17.  Love her for who she is.  Cherish her and make her feel sexy.  Make her feel loved by demonstrating desire for her.  The same goes for women too.  Love your husband and set him as your definition of beauty.
• Minimize your time watching TV.  Yes, there are a lot of entertaining shows on television right now.  Personally I enjoy the shows Fear Factor, and Person of Interest.  However, don’t become couch potatoes.  Don’t let your marriage revolve around your TV shows.  Don’t sit around and watch TV every night of the week.  This will program your mind to be anti social. Which brings me to my next point…
• Maximize your time dating.  Be fun, spontaneous, and do new things together.  Whether you have been married for 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, or 20, go on dates! Sometimes Luda and I simply go for a walk around the Mill Creek town center or grab a cup of tea at Nordstrom Cafe.  A date doesn’t have to be expensive, elaborate, or time consuming.  Sometimes the short, spontaneous fun is the most enjoyable, and it keeps things interesting.
• Always make time for your family.  Quantity of time is something to consider as your careers take off.  It’s easy to lose sight of what matters most when you’re busy with work, school, church, children, etc.  Often times the things that matter most (God and your spouse) are the things that are neglected first!  If you are like me, then set time aside every day to spend with your wife and children no matter how busy your schedule is.  There is no excuse for not doing this.  If I can do it, you can too!

May God bless you in your marriage, and may you and your spouse passionately pursue both Christ and each other.